Friday News Update: Now With More Hoff!

So remember when Taylor Hicks won American Idol, and David Hasselhoff and I both burst into tears, me because I was weeping for the utter stupidity of my dialing countrypersons, and the Hoff because he was presumably one of said countrypersons? Well, not so, as it turns out. He of the momentous German fame told TMZ that he was sitting next to his friend who had brain cancer who has since passed on his birthday. And I'm not going to even snark on that, because I do have a shriveled heart in there somewhere. You can watch the video here.

Jeff Archuleta, father of David, is apparently a giant prick. He makes Joe Simpson look like an affable, loving gent who isn't at all creepily obsessed with his daughter Jessica's breasts, in fact. Jeff likes to harass David's competitors (i.e. Tiffany Evans on Star Search) and yell at little David all the time. Full story here.

Who will replace Amanda Overmyer as Vote for the Worst's newest poster girl? Why, Kristy Lee Cook, of course! I'm officially sick of VFTW. That chick has already overstayed her welcome by about three weeks. Story here.

Sing that Kumbaya in key, bitches! Idol Camp is back for its second year, with guest mentors Ace Young, Bo Bice and Jon Peter Lewis. Here's the baffling part of the story -- it says Ace Young was nominated for a Grammy?! "And the award for best camera fucker goes to..." Full story here.

Not to start a pro-life/pro-choice debate, but I think this is just whack -- "Idol Gives Back," the charity program of "American Idol," is not worthy of support from people who regard unborn life as sacred, a pro-life leader says." If you want to read the rest, it's here. If you're anything like me and prone to rage, you might want to just skip it.

Thievy McCopyrightinfringementpants, aka David Cook, is being taken to task for yet another stolen arrangement. Apparently his rocked-out version of "Eleanor Rigby" belonged to a band called Doxology, and they released a statement (Read it here). I'm guessing that's probably why David actually gave credit to Whitesenake for their arrangement last week.