Top 6 Recap

This week was all Bon Jovi, all the time. And I couldn't have been happier. Well, maybe a Slayer week would make me happier, in theory, but then it would make me sad, because Blake would beatbox to "South of Heaven," and my world as I know it would lose all meaning. Ahem.

Jon Bon Jovi is still smoking hot, and like all the mentors who came before him, he wants the Idolbees to tell a story. First up is Phil Stacey, and he's singing "Blaze of Glory." JBJ loves him fiercely, as do I. I started out a Phil fan, then he sucked for a really long time, but now he's back and I'm back on board. Also, how does Vote for the Worst deal when the "worst" is actually good? Food for thought.

Next up in Jordin Sparks, and she’s singing "Living on a Prayer" and my first thought is "oh no." And then starts singing, and my second thought is "oh no," followed by "ouch." Not good, J-Spo. Not good t'at all.

Lakisha Jones is up next, and she’s singing "This Ain't a Love Song," which I've never heard before. And while she obviously didn't go outside her comfort zone (which no one took her to task for, and perhaps they should have), she was awesome. So awesome, in fact, that Simon slipped her a little tongue post-performance. Okay, he didn't, but he did kiss her. On the lips. And then slip her some tongue. Maybe.

Next up is Blake Lewis. JBJ talks about the huge risk he's taking with "You Give Love a Bad Name," which means he’s going to beatbox, which means JBJ hates it, and I'm going to hate it, too. And I do. I'm not really sure what Bon Jovi did to Blake personally, but clearly he's seeking revenge. And here's the thing that gets me the most. If Blake had actually sung the song, and remember this is, in fact, a singing competition, I would have loved it. The parts where he actually sang? Blew me away. I had no idea he had that much power. He could have rocked it, but instead he ruined it. Dumbass. And his dye job killed whatever bit of cuteness he still had left. And when Paula said that she saw a "twinkle" in JBJs eyes as he talked about the song, I think what she really meant was "shame" and "dread."

When Chris Richardon told us he'd be singing, "Dead or Alive," I thought "noooooo." I expected runs all over the place, and dude, you can't Timberlake up Bon Jovi. But he was actually ... good. He traded in his nasally bullshit for a raspy thing that TOTALLY WORKED. And now when Chris and I finally do get naked and have sex with one another, I won't feel bad about it, because he's really not a terrible singer.

Melinda Doolittle is up last with "Have a Nice Day." And she's awesome! I mean, there isn't really anything to say about her vocals, because they're always flawless, but homegirl brought the attitude. And it was also adorable when she tried to do the devil horns. I voted for her three times.

And then George and Laura Bush closed the show, thanking the American people for doing what they should be doing, but aren't doing, and they don't even see the irony of it all.

Bottom three: Chris, Phil, LaKisha
See ya later: Chris (No really, Chris. Call me. I'd like to see you later.) and Lakisha

The Top 6 Recap: Delayed Gratification

So you know that little Riesling habit I seem to have developed on Tuesday nights in recent months? Well, it usually provides the fuel for a good bitchy recap but tonight it's acting more like a sleep aid. A very potent and effective sleep aid.

Sadly, my buzz never quite took tonight. I went straight from sobriety to being a preachy drunk -- a yawning, preachy drunk, to be precise. Just ask Jess. I just got off the phone with her and our call ended with yet another of my patented (and admittedly tired) anti-Rosie O'Donnell rants. And dude, she wasn't even on the show. What brought that on? Poor Jess. At least I didn't get on my kick about the importance of unions and organized labor. It's a problem, you see...

Anyhoo, I took notes and pictures tonight and both are within arm's reach but I don't have the energy to craft them into something snotty at this hour. Tomorrow, most definitely but until then, I'm off to bed. But first, I'm going to leave you with a prediction for the Bottom Three based on the results of our latest poll: LaKisha, Chris and Phil.

Personally, I think after tonight's performance, LaKisha bought herself an extra week (or more, possibly). My girl Jordin tanked tonight and may have finally earned herself a spot at the bottom of the barrel. So for the Bottom Three, I'm going to say Jordin, Phil and Chris. Going home... it could be Chris. Or Phil. Oh, I don't know. I'll have firm answer after a good night's sleep and my first extra-large cup of coffee. Stay tuned.

Morning Quickie

That's the best kind, really. I didn't do a stellar job prediction-wise, but in my defense, it's been a whole year and I'm still warming up. Anyway, just wanted to add that they announced the roster of guests coaches for the season. They are, in no particular order:

• Diana Ross


• Gwen Stefani


• Jennifer Lopez


• Jon Bon Jovi


• Tony Bennett


• Martina McBride


• Barry Gibb


• Peter Noone


• Lulu

So they're making it younger and sexier this season. Well, sort of younger and sexier. But hey, if there's no Burt Bacharach I am one happy camper. Also, Jon Bon Jovi is still rocking the hotness, so that's something to look forward to.

Stay tuned for news, links and profanity later this afternoon.