Monday News Update

That Was Pitchy for Me, Dawg
Are you like me? Do you often find yourself exclaiming, "Whatcoo tawkin' bout, Randy Jackson?" when the vocab-challenged judge launches into one of his rambling critiques that goes on forever even though it's comprised of only about three different words shuffled around and repeated ad nauseum? Yeah, I thought so. But believe it or not, one of his favored phrases -- pitchy -- is actually a valid statement! This is about as disturbing as Paula's recent spell of lucidity. (People)

Haley Scarnato Is -- Ew -- Wearing Katharine McPhee's Old Extensions
As a kid who grew up wearing my older sisters' hand-me-downs, I'm really in no position to criticize when someone else gets extra mileage out of, say, a pair of culottes, but -- and I never thought I'd have to say this -- I have to draw the line at used hair. (TMZ)

Simon Cowell Is a Sunday Driver
While Simon may boast of cutting verbal slaps and an unparalleled collection of V-necks, he ain't all that impressive on the race track, according to Mario Andretti and a couple of other racing dudes I don't know and can't be bothered to look up. (People)

LaKisha Tops the Power List
Entertainment Weekly thinks LaKisha's poised to win the competition. Never let it be said they're not a bunch of risk takers, those folks at EW.

Jennifer Hudson Sets the Records Straight
Hudson took to MySpace to dispel rumors that she's become a big ol' diva in the wake of her Oscar win. Fair enough. However, in doing so, she inadvertently revealed her true and irrefutable shortcomings: poor punctuation and an appalling lack of subject/verb agreement. Isn't she from Chicago, the very city with a whole Manual of Style named after it?! Someone check that bitch's birth certificate. (The Post Chronicle)

Idols Saturate the Airwaves
Today's New York Daily News ranks former Idol contestants according to the number of times their songs have been played on the radio. Kelly Clarkson naturally tops the list while Chris Daughtry comes in at number 8. What's notable about the latter's ranking, you ask? Uh, Josh Gracin is #3! Just to break it down for those of you who are a little slow on the uptake, Forgettable Season 2 reject, Joshua Gracin, gets more airtime than the high and mighty Chris Daughtry. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to point and laugh at him. Care to join me?

Dissent and Goings-On

I'm not going to do a full recap, because Curly did such a good job. I'll take the news, but first, I have to make a few points about last night, either because they weren't previously mentioned or because I don't agree with what's been stated.

1. I'm irrationally protective of Gina, which I fully admit, but I thought she did a good job with Love Child. While she may not have the flawless vocal power of LaKisha and Melinda, I think she's a hard worker with a great range, and I enjoyed it. If she sticks around, I think she's going to grow week after week, especially now that she's in the little rocker box the judges have been trying to shove her into since day one.

2. I actually don't think Haley is going to be in the bottom three this week. She clearly has a fan base, and when Antonella was voted off, I was all set to redirect my hatred toward Haley, but she's just so damn likeable. It actually kind of pisses me off.

3. I like Phil Stacey, and I don't care who knows it. He's a super dork who tries to act like a cool guy, and I would never want to see him naked, but when he hits those power notes, he makes me smile. I can't help it. With all the shoddy non-talent on the guy's side, I need someone to root for, and he's it.

4. I hated Stephanie's rendition of Love Hangover. I thought it was boring, and didn't show her amazing vocal range. Also, did you know she's only 19? Can the judges give her a little of that Jordin love?

5. After the uncomfortable banter between Simon and Ryan last night, the only thing that's really left for them to do is make out with each other during a live show. I am so sick of the "I'm straight, you're gay, no, I'm straight, you're gay, or, you know, let's just fuck each other" thing they have going on this season. I mean, it's always there to a certain degree, but COME ON.

6. My predictions: Bottom three goes to Brandon Rogers, Chris Sligh and Stephanie Edwards. Going home? Brandon Rogers.

Okay, and now onto the news:

Idol Hopefuls Love Jesus
Chris Sligh, Jordin Sparks and Melinda Dolittle all have friends at the Gospel Music Association. As long as none of them start ranting about "lifestyle choices," ala Mandisa, they're cool by me. (Christian Today)

Sheryl Crowe hates Idol
I don't know about you, but I'm sick of "artists" hating on Idol. While the show may be responsible for the inexplicable fame of DAUGHTRY, you can't really deny that it's produced some viable stars who deserve their fame. Kelly Clarkson, anyone? (Buddy TV)

Jennifer Hudson May Play Aretha Franklin
Great. Then she'll be nominated for another Oscar and diss Idol again and then we can have another Hudson vs. Cowell feud. Sigh. (All Headline News)

Jennifer Hudson is Also a Huge Diva
Hudson reportedly tried to back out of performing at the Soul Train Awards, but then attended after Clive Davis issued a smackdown. Okay, seriously, this girl is not famous or accomplished enough to be acting like this. I'm so sick of her. (I Don't Like You in That Way)

Simon Will Quit if Sanjaya Wins
To show our solidarity, I hereby decree that should Sanjaya win, American Midol will be no more. Mejack? Curly? You with me? (TV Squad)

Monday News Brief

Today's news brief will be just that because I feel like ass. I promise to get plenty of rest. In fact, all the boys' performances tomorrow night should be more potent than Nyquil in lulling me into a sound sleep. Until then...

Mario Vasquez Channels George Michael
Q: What's white and oozes down the bathroom wall?
A: Mario Vasquez's latest release.

Sorry, I simply cannot pass up the opportunity to show off my suprisingly large canon of foul, tastless jokes. Admittedly, I don't know shit about wine but I can certainly tell you every Helen Keller joke there is.

Okay, onto the useful portion of this news item... If you'll recall, the talented Season 4 contestant mysteriously dropped out of the competition despite favorable notices from all three judges. Rumors ranged from an impending record deal to accusations of homosexuality but no real explanation was given and then everyone kinda forgot and stopped caring. Or at least I did.

Two years later, the mystery is solved: It turns out, Mario tried playing a wee game of "I'll Show You Mine" with an Idol employee named Magdaleno Olmos, who did not, in fact, want to show Mario his in return, nor even see Mario's in the first place.

Mmm... fresh scandal! Antonella Barba is no doubt writing Mario a note of thanks for taking some of the heat off of her. Oh wait, can Antonella even write? (TMZ.com)

Jennifer Hudson Once Again Proves She's an Insufferable Beav
Recently, Simon Cowell took Jennifer to task for for downplaying American Idol's contribution to her current level of success. Her response:

"If I'd been any better at my job when I was at Burger King in my middle teens I wouldn't be here either, so should I thank them too?"

No, Jennifer, you don't have to thank Burger King. However, you should thank me for not putting my foot in your ass... yet. (Starpulse.com)

Paula Abdul Was 'Shocked' Over Sundance Head's Dismissal
Well, that makes one person who was. Clearly, her delusions are starting to surface. This certainly means a nice spike in The Official Paula Abdul Scattergram. Oh, goodie! (BuddyTV)

Photo: AmericanIdol.com

Thursday News Update

Nigel to Rosie: We Love Fatties, Black People
Idol Executive Producer Nigel Lithgoe has fired back at Rosie for calling the show "racist" and "weightiest" for keeping Antonella Barba after booting Frenchie Davis from the competition in season two. To illustrate his point, Nigel points out that Randy Jackson is a fatty-fatty-two-by-four. (TMZ)

Rosie to Nigel: Whatever
Rosie fired back at Nigel on her blog, with, you guessed it! Bad poetry. In a post entitled "star search/american idol," daytime television's own poet laureate says:

well…
what can u say really
from the coca-cola red couch

i call it as i see it
nigel l - sam r
same same same
1985 - 2007
blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah

Oooh, burn! And by "burn," I mean, wait, what? (r blog)

Jennifer Hudson's Surprise Visit
Jennifer Hudson reportedly dropped in on the season six semifinalists last week on elimination day. The reason, she said, was to meet them and offer encouragement. Let's hope she also told them a cautionary fairy tale about a girl who found success after Idol and then acted like a giant asshole and forgot where she came from. You know, like a fictional bedtime story. (Star Pulse)

Americans Love Daughtry, Hate Good Music
DAUGHTRY, the album from Chris DAUGHTRY's band DAUGHTRY (sensing a theme?) is at #1 again, apparently breaking all sorts of records. In other news, I listen to "It's Not Over" to help me get to sleep at night.

All Antonella Barba, All the Time
If you're still into that kind of thing, Little Brother, (who despite my text last night which said "vote for antonella and suffer my wrath" still did it) more pics of the Idol hopeful acting like a drunk college girl.

Antonella Barba Says "Keep Talkin'!"
On her MySpace page, Barba has posted a message which says, "Keep talking, you're making me famous." You have to be her friend to see the rest of her profile, though, and something tells me she isn't going to want to be our friend. But you want to be our friend, Don't you?

And now for the predictions:

Moi: Stephanie Edwards and Haley Scarnato, see ya!

Dial Idol's also got their money on Stephanie Edwards and Haley Scarnato.

AOL's Idol poll has Antonella and Haley at the bottom. If only.

And just because she's my American Idol, here's Tara Reid singing "Total Eclipse of the Heart":

Wednesday News Update

Should we even call it a news update anymore? Isn't it really just an Antonella Barba update at this point? Anyway, without further ado…

Take a Gamble on Antonella Barba
Online betting site WagerWeb is less concerned with who will win this season of Idol and more so on what dramas will play out. I don't know about you, but I think that's a lot more fun than watching the guys perform. Not surprisingly, they have an entire category devoted to our favorite Jersey Girl. Among the items one can bet on are: she will appear nude in Playboy and she will be photographed drunk with Paris Hilton. You know, I was going to declare a ban on all things Antonella, but she's so damn good for traffic, and I'm nothing if not a traffic whore. Antonella Barba, Antonella Barba, Antonella Barba…

Joe Francis Wants Antonella Barba to Go Wild
Girls Gone Wild creator and notorious scumbag Joe Francis wants Antonella, and she doesn't even have to flash her boobs. Francis has reportedly offered her $250,000 to host one of his racy videos. Oh, Joe. She would have done it for free.

Chi-Town to Jennifer Hudson: …
Yesterday was officially Jennifer Hudson Day in the Oscar-winner's hometown of Chicago. Only when she asked the crowd for audience participation, she was met with dead silence. A second attempt yielded the same results. Backlash for all of her Idol smacktalking, perhaps?

FOX: 1, Rosie: 0
FOX issues Rosie O'Donnell a smackdown for her recent negative comments about the show -- they won't let The View use clips anymore. If only shutting Rosie up were that easy.

Tuesday News Update

We didn't have a Monday update, and it was all my fault because I got drunk and watched The Wicker Man with Chicken Supreme instead of posting one. That movie is a craptastic joy to watch, let me tell you.

Antonella Barba is Jesus
How Antonella Barba became the most famous person on Earth boggles the mind. Look, she's even on toast now. Toast! (eBay)

Antonella Barba Also Pisses People Off
A bunch of people who have way too much time on their hands and could use a nice gin and tonic and possibly some meditation to chill the fuck out, are protesting at the Kodak Theater as I write this because they think Antonella should get the boot. Whatever. Also, more pics of her acting like a porn star at the WWII memorial. (WWTDD, aka Jess' Future Husband)

Jennifer Hudson's Pants Are on Fire
'Extra' decided to do a little investigative journalism, and look into Jennifer Hudson's incessant claims that Simon was a big old meanie to her and the show was abusive and wah wah boo hoo you're famous now shut up. Anyway, turns out she's a big old liar. I'm taking Beyonce's side. (TMZ)

Simon Cowell Thinks Taylor Hicks Sucks
I knew there was a reason Simon was my homeboy. While we don't all hate Taylor Hicks here at American Midol, the haters are most definitely in the majority. Shocking, right? Us hating someone? (TV Grapevine)

Simon Cowell Also Thinks Rehab is Cool
I usually agree with what Simon has to say, but when he takes on my girl Britney Spears, I need to defend her. Give her a break, dude. Girlfriend lost her freaking mind. (TV Grapevine)

Smack Talking Simon

Simon Trashes Jennifer Hudson and Taylor Hicks

Dude. I am like a gumshoe supersleuth when it comes to picking up these nuances in People Magazine articles.

It is interesting to note that all of the former contestants he names as "standouts from the beginning" only include those that have either made a return appearance on the show or have credited American Idol for jump starting their career.

Simon also pointed out how Jennifer Hudson and Taylor Hicks would be basically nothing without him the show. Homeboy even went as far to say that Kelly Clarkson was not a strong contender until mid-season. (You know Jess is going to have to cut a bitch after she hears that one.) It is amazingly coincidental that these particular former contestants are those who have not paid much mind to Idol since their departure. OR IS IT?

Simon, I do wish you would remove this cloak of bitterness and resume wearing your smoky charcoal V-necks.

Photo: answers.com

Friday News Update

It's a light news day, people. All anyone wants to discuss is skanky Antonella Barba and how she's still on the show. I apologize in advance for boring you.

Jennifer Hudson up for an NAACP Image Award
Beyonce's up for a few too, so maybe she'll stop making voodoo dolls of Jennifer Hudson and praying to The Dark Lord to wipe her from existence.

Bucky's #1
The video for Bucky Covington's first single, "A Different World," debuted at #1 on CMT's Pure Country Video Playlist. I'm not sure if that's a good thing; as I'm not terribly familiar with either the channel or the show, but it sounds like it's the TRL of country music, in which case, go Bucky!

FOX is #1, Too!
FOX swept the ratings Thursday night, just like it does on Tuesday and Wednesday nights. I'm not a ratings analyst, but I don't really get why everyone is so surprised by this.

Ask the Idols
Do you want to know what it is about Phil Stacey that makes him both scary and intensely likeable at the same time? If Sundance Head cries when he watches Bambi? If Blake Lewis knows how awful that hat was? If so, PEOPLE is sitting down with the 'Idol' hopefuls and asking them YOUR questions. If you submit one, and your question is featured, let us know! We won't make fun of you. Promise.

If you need a pick-me-up after all that, check out Kellie Pickler's new breasts:

Thursday News Brief

You'll have to forgive me if I'm a little light on the snark in today's news roundup. I'm still reeling from the fact that my boy, AJ Tabaldo, was sent home early tonight. That's just bullshit. I join my colleagues, Jess and Mejack, in condemning the sad state of affairs in this country. Shame on us! Shaaaaaaaaaaaaaame!

Here are your headlines, America, even though I have half a mind to deprive you of them entirely on account of your bad behavior tonight:

Jennifer Hudson to Be Honored in Her Hometown of Chicago
If there's any justice, AJ Tabaldo will receive a similar homecoming in Santa Maria, CA. People of Santa Maria, you best heed my advice. (People)

It's Official: Antonella's Not Getting the Boot
For those of you hoping the show would ship the rather reckless contestant back to Jersey, no such luck. Producer Nigel Lythgoe stated in a recent interview that Barba would remain on the program until the viewers voted her off.

Tonight, poor AJ Tabaldo is wondering where he went wrong. Oh right, he didn't flip off the camera repeatedly nor did he smile and say cheese whilst on the can. Silly boy! I guess he didn't want it bad enough. (National Ledger)

Katharine McPhee Spotted... Gasp!... Eating Food
The NYC gossip pages caught the Season 5 runner up dining on pineapple chicken fried rice and some awesome-sounding peanut butter dessert at Ruby Foo's this past weekend. Do you know who wasn't eating overpriced mediocre Asian food this past weekend? AJ Tabaldo, that's who! (NY Daily News)

And that's your lot, America. I hope you're satisfied.

News, Predictions, Thoughts, etc.

Last night, we were lucky enough to watch 'Idol' at Mejack's, while we stuffed ourselves full of chips and dip and Chinese food and booze. Aside from Jared Cotter's boner, I barely remember the show. That may have been all the wine, though. My predictions: Nick Pedro and Jared Cotter. Before I get into the news, though, here are some other people's predictions:

Dial Idol says Nicolas Pedro and Brandon Rogers.

EW's Michael Slezak think it will be Nicolas Pedro and Sanjaya Malakar

AOL's poll has Sundance Head and Brandon Rogers at the bottom.

For the record, I think Sanjaya's cuteness, Sundance's um… whatever it is that makes people still root for him and Brandon's camera fucking will keep the three of them around for at least another week. And now, your news:

Some people are just OUTRAGED that Antonella Barba got photographed doing what she does best -- behaving like a porn star (Did you think I meant singing?) at a WWII memorial. Not to be all judgy, but I'm guessing they live in red states and have secret porn stashes. (WorldNetDaily)

Simon thinks whoever sold the pics of Antonella are 'despicable.' Hugh Hefner thinks they're 'sexy.' I bet we all know what our favorite Jersey girl will be doing when she gets voted off. Don't worry. We'll buy the Playboy and scan the pics in for your viewing pleasure until someone threatens to sue us. (Access Hollywood)

Taylor Hicks does not, in fact, make America proud, as his album sales slide way down the charts. (Post-Tribune)

If you ever go to a housewarming party for Chris Daughtry, bring razors and a bible. (People)

Jennifer Hudson's bolero from the center of the universe was not her fault. Also, oceans are a part of your world. Keep them clean. (Chocolate: The Magazine That's Better Than Sex That's really their tagline)

And finally, many of you want to know what Kelly Clarkson and Jennifer Hudson wouldn't do that Carrie Underwood and Kellie Pickler did, thanks to the obnoxious and oft-repeated FOX promo last night. I thought it was anal, but it turns out I was wrong. It's thank 'Idol' for their success. Wait, Kellie Pickler's a "success"?

Tuesday's News

Simon Cowell Changes His Tune for Jennifer Hudson
Simon ain't no fool. He knows to get on the golden girl's good side now, you know, even though he trashed her repeatedly during her run on the show. Bygones! Right, Jennifer? Right? (People)

Is the World Really Ready for a Lisping Rapper?
Kevin Covais reportedly spits (and I do mean SPITS) on Paris Bennett's upcoming album. Because I sometimes like to be annoyed, I'm going to have download that bad boy when it comes out. I'll be sure to keep some paper towel handy. It could get messy. (Entertainment Weekly)

Sundance's Daddy's Dance Steps Were Too Hot for James Brown
Apparently, The Godfather of Soul took one look at Roy Head's dancing and booted him from his tour many moons ago. As Roy tells it, 'twas Brown's jealousy of his wicked moves that caused his ouster. Wow, now I understand where Sundance gets his delusions that that thing sprouting from his chin is attractive. (USA Today)

Antonella Barba Is the "Least Slutty Person" Amanda Coluccio Knows
Is it just me or is that not exactly a ringing endorsement? Or as Jess astutely observed, "Amanda must hang around with some real whores then." (Defamer)

American Idol's Got the Fever for the Flavor of Pringles
First it was Dreyer's Ice Cream and now Pringles has aligned itself with our beloved TV program. I think it's safe to say that the person lining up the sponsorships is a complete stoner. (American Idol Worship)

Monday News Update

Today in Antonella Barba news: blowjob pics that may or may not be her! No one taught her that very important lesson about how letting people take racy photos of you in compromising positions in the Internet age is maybe not such a good idea if you want to become famous someday. I don't know about you, but I keep all my pics where I'm performing oral sex on people under lock and key. If you click through, photos are mostly safe for work. They have links to the super NSFW versions if you work at Penthouse or happen to be at home. Oh, Antonella. Anyone think she's going to get booted for this? (I Don't Like You in That Way)

Vote for the Worst Has Even MORE Shocking photos of Ms. Barba. Totally safe for work, but you might not be the same after seeing them.

Leslie Hunt has lupus, is being honored by the Lupus Research Institute Chicago (PR Newswire)

Nigel Lithgoe drops more hints about an upcoming announcement. I am getting really tired of Nigel's hints. I bet he leaves voicemail messages like, "Call me when you get a chance. I have some very important news!" I hate people who leave voicemail messages like that. I bet he makes people guess his age, too. (TV Week)

Didja hear? Jennifer Hudson won a Best Supporting Actress Oscar. Didja see? She dressed herself like a spaceman. (iVillage)

Rich, oily tool Brandon Davis did what he does best at Paris Hilton's 26th birthday bash on Saturday: acted like a complete ass. Inexplicably, Paula Abdul was in attendance, and, according to the Daily News:

But around 10 p.m., Davis started acting up. "He was hurling flowers at Paula Abdul," says a guest. "Then he began bombing her with Styrofoam flower-holders. He was shouting, 'Lick my [BLEEP], Paula!' He started mocking her ancestry by speaking gibberish in an Arabic accent.

And if you missed Tyra Banks feeling up Katharine McPhee, then watch this video and get with the program. How skinny does McPhee look, by the way?



Photo: I Don't Like You in That Way

Things That Make You Go Hmm...

Greetings, minions. Not too much in the way of news today. Anna Nicole Smith is dominating the headlines so I have no choice but to be brief. No whining! There's more to come tomorrow. Until then...

There's a rather tasty blind item in The Back Row column in today's issue of the Daily News...

What former American Idol is up to their nose in bad behavior? Friends were amazed at a high-profile fashion week after-party at how much fairy dust the crooner put away.

Hmmm... Jess and I spotted Katharine McPhee and Jim Verraros at the Marc Jacobs show on Monday night. MJ is rather high-profile so it follows that his after-party would be as well, no? Interesting. Very interesting.

Kat's got her share of issues but I don't think blowing rails in public is among them. Now I'm not saying Jim is necessarily the culprit here because for all I know, there were a gaggle of Idol cast-offs running amok during Fashion Week that I didn't see up and close and personal. Still, I think it's a safe bet. Any other guesses?

Okay, moving on to less inflammatory things that won't get our asses sued... Season Five's Bucky Covington has no beef with Simon Cowell nor his cranky critiques. Quite the contrary, he graciously took his lumps and is enjoying the fame the show helped him achieve. Hear that Jennifer "I was misquoted!" Hudson?! That's what you call gratitude and not being a dumb bitch. Look into it. (People.com)

Ebony Jointer, she of the waitress outfit/roller skates/two less-talented hangers-on combo in last night's final round of auditions is not a complete entertainment neophyte as it turns out. Girlfriend actually hit the gridiron with the Chicago Bliss, a Lingerie Football League team back in 2005. (Note to self: Do thorough Google image search of those photos. How did I not know about this?!)

Ebony's also been seen on America's Next Top Model and had a small role in Pauly Shore Is Dead. Scandalous! A Pauly Shore movie, Ebony? Seriously? (TMZ.com via RealityTVMagazine.com)

And finally, this is not technically news... except to those who know me and how snobby I am about my mp3 collection but I, Curly McDimple, just downloaded the Jason Nevins Rock da Club Edit of Kelly Clarkson's "Since U Been Gone" and I am, as we speak, rocking out like it's my job. Trust me, it's hot.

Photo: FOX

Afternoon Newsbreak

It's a light news day, people. Jennifer Hudson is still whining about the fact that she's like, totally famous now, but that the show was abusive. Boo-fucking-hoo Jennifer Hudson. Also, Chris Daughtry had some shows which some people loved and some people hated. Very exciting stuff. Anyway, here's what little news I did manage to find:

Kellie Pickler, I mean, Jamie Lynn Ward's kin are none too pleased about her telling that whole dad-shoots-mom-then-himself story on national television. The stepmom survived the shooting, by the way. (NY Post)

Jessica Sierra, who was a season 4 finalist and who I don't remember AT ALL, had a stalker. Where's my stalker? Ahem, I mean our stalker. (Tennessean)

Carrie Underwood is not, I repeat, NOT dating woman-hating Dallas Cowboy Tony Romo. So stop telling everyone that, Gossip McRumorpants. (People)

A new DVD called American Idol Unauthorized claims that the show is rigged. To prove their point, they interviewed a bunch of whiny ex-hopefuls who believe the they would have won otherwise. Riiiight. (Toronto Star)

News Roundup

It is with a heavy heart that I report that there is no truth to the rumor that Courtney Love will bump Paula Abdul from her judging berth.

How could this happen, you ask? Because God likes to raise my hopes and then cruelly dash them. Although, in truth, I don't want Paula going anywhere. Her spasms, outbursts and slurred speech are reliably entertaining. I need Paula's crazy. Please don't take this from me. Ever.

I was hoping to see Courtney and Paula riding out their respective highs (and subsequent crashes) side-by-side with Simon Cowell providing color commentary. Courtney would flip him off. The censors would develop callouses from hitting the bleep button to drown out her unending stream of profanity. Then the graphics department would have digitize large portions of the screen to prevent impressionable children from seeing Courtney's boobs and snatch. It would have been fun for all, really.

And now, sadly, this doesn't seem to be in the cards for us. Unless, Barry Manilow or Dionne Warwick swing by after a good bender. I'm sure Whitney can hook her aunt up with a bit of the crack. Think of the ratings! (Us Online)

Onward.

Jennifer Hudson resents being "the girl in the turkey wrapping." Truthfully, I didn't know that she was ever affiliated with poultry but then again, I'm prematurely senile so my recollection -- or lack thereof -- and a token might get you a ride on the subway.

Anyways, apparently Jennifer was branded with this rather forgettable (again, to me) description back during her Idol run and she hasn't quite gotten over it. Hudson tells Essence magazine that she was unfairly pegged as this "character" and had to "sing her way out of it." The show's "abusive," large fries aren't nearly large enough for her liking, yadda, yadda, yadda, whine whine whine.

I've seen and heard many adjectives applied to Hudson of late – Golden Globe winner, SAG winner, Oscar nominee, breakout performer, star-in-the-making, big fatso, etc. I've see no references to turkey and/or any of its trimmings. I mean, I could make an obvious stuffing joke but I'll abstain because I'm classy like that. (People.com)

Bucky Covington's hitting the Grand Ole Opry for the first-time ever. I really have nothing else to say about that because that would require me filling my brain with references to country music and I have better things to do with that precious space. Like memorizing the phone book and/or counting the number of bricks in my apartment building. (AmericanIdol.com)

Thanks to a hit album completely devoid of songs requiring him to inquire if he makes us proud, Chris Daughtry is no longer being a whiny ass bitch about his early ouster last season. Furthermore, he's super tired of all you people telling him he was robbed so y'all can just drop it. Seriously. Stop talking about it. It's not just Chris who's tired of that shit.

If it makes you disgruntled followers feel any better, it was his premature dismissal (hee hee, that sounds dirty) that allowed Daughtry to form... uh, Daughtry, instead of having to go it alone while tethered to a beastly contract laden with stipulations and restrictions and worst of all, crappy ballads that will one day be converted into muzak and pumped into the aisles of the Winn-Dixie as well as performed at eighth grade graduations for years to come.

See, Chris was really worried that the songs spawned from an Idol-produced album "would have stomped on [his] credibility a little bit." No no, Chris, don't be silly. It's your association with Creed that did that. (Access Hollywood)

Photo: Jeff Schneid/Getty Images

Better Late Than Never Newsbrief

As if I needed an excuse to be even crankier on this blog (and in real life, if I'm being honest), I've been engaged in a frustrating battle with my Internet connection for the past several hours and I.am.not.happy.about.it. The error pages and slow page loads have left me feeling extra salty. But it's your lucky day because I'm funneling my inner bitch into today's daily news digest. So, buckle up, bitches.

"We're no crueler this year," claim the Idol judges and producers in response to criticism that they've been too aggressive in the new asshole-tearing they've been doing this season. In other words, they've always been skewering Special Olympians from day one. Oh, I see. It's just that us assmunches didn't notice until now. Gotcha. (People.com; Reality Blurred)

If you're feeling a tad nosy, fire up your iTunes and check out the playlists of Taylor Hicks, Katharine McPhee, Kelly Clarkson, Ruben Studdard, Chris Daughtry, Kellie Pickler, Jennifer Hudson, Carrie Underwood, Bo Bice and even Randy Jackson.

Surprisingly, no Journey was included in the latter's list. You tricked me, dawg! I was totally expecting some "Wheel in the Sky." Actually, no... that's not true. How silly of me. Randy didn't play bass on that track so why would he include it? I guess I meant to say that I was totally expecting some latter-day Journey that Randy played bass on. Um, I'd cite specific song titles and albums but really, do you even care? I sure as hell don't.

Once again Pickler proves that she's a dumb ass of monumental proportions. See, she first earned this distinction with her (albeit short-lived) dalliance with Constantine "My Chin Looks Just Like My Ass" Maroulis. She's now firmly cemented on my shit list thanks to the inclusion of one of her own tracks in her iTunes playlist.

So, to put this in perspective, no one else in that self-absorbed roster committed this crime. Just Kellie.

In case you're a little slow on the uptake, what I'm trying to say is that Pickler managed to make Randy "When I'm in the Studio with Mariah" Jackson look the model of humble restraint. Someone give me a billy-club, a darkened alley and five minutes alone with Pickler. Please? (iTunes Store; software download required for you Amish readers who don't have iTunes installed already.)

Citizens of Texas, you can go ahead and get your knickers out of that a knot they're in. Contrary to popular belief, Carrie Underwood and Dallas Cowboys quarterback, Tony Romo, are NOT sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. So, y'all can stop blaming her for distracting the QB and causing an early playoff exit. The real reason you're not going to the Super Bowl is because... uh... oh, fuck it. I hate football and I can't even pretend to give a shit. So let's just dispense with the trash talk and say that your team sucks and that'll be the end of it, okay? Move on. (National Ledger)

Photo: AmericanIdol.com

The Final Countdown

Doot doot doot doot! Doot doot doot doot doot! Doot doot doot doot…

(Hm, no one remembers that song by the 80s hair band Europe? Well, okay then.)

We are officially back from our semi-hiatus to start the countdown to Idol madness. Can you stand the suspense?

15 Days!

Now, let's get to the news, shall we?

Jennifer Hudson, who y'all couldn't be bothered to vote for but will still happily climb on the bandwagon now, to be honored by the Oklahoma Film Critics, which is probably not that big of a deal. I mean, Oklahoma? I didn't even know they had films there. (Playbill)

Everything you always wanted to know about Simon Cowell. Oh wait, no. That was the Rolling Stone interview. This is just less of the same. (Extra)

The predictions are in: Idol 6 ratings are going to suck ass. In related news, Midol bloggers wonder why the hell it took them five years to come up with the idea to blog about the show. (Reality TV Magazine)

Breaking! Simon Cowell makes a buttload of money. I initially typed "buttloaf" there, which is funny. (United Press International)

Audition Videos Galore! See the freaks who came out for their chance to be on the show. (American Idol Official Site)