Afternoon Newsbreak

It's a light news day, people. Jennifer Hudson is still whining about the fact that she's like, totally famous now, but that the show was abusive. Boo-fucking-hoo Jennifer Hudson. Also, Chris Daughtry had some shows which some people loved and some people hated. Very exciting stuff. Anyway, here's what little news I did manage to find:

Kellie Pickler, I mean, Jamie Lynn Ward's kin are none too pleased about her telling that whole dad-shoots-mom-then-himself story on national television. The stepmom survived the shooting, by the way. (NY Post)

Jessica Sierra, who was a season 4 finalist and who I don't remember AT ALL, had a stalker. Where's my stalker? Ahem, I mean our stalker. (Tennessean)

Carrie Underwood is not, I repeat, NOT dating woman-hating Dallas Cowboy Tony Romo. So stop telling everyone that, Gossip McRumorpants. (People)

A new DVD called American Idol Unauthorized claims that the show is rigged. To prove their point, they interviewed a bunch of whiny ex-hopefuls who believe the they would have won otherwise. Riiiight. (Toronto Star)

Birmingham, the Recap

And this, my friends, is the point in the season where I say to myself, "Holy Mary Mother of God, can we get to fucking Hollywood already?"

Birmingham, blah. Taylor Hicks, Ruben Studdard, Bo Bice, blah. Why does Birmingham have to hog all of the American Idols?

Anyway, let's go. First up was Erika Skye, who bears more than your passing resemblance to Stephanie Klein and sang a screamy rendition of "Unchained Melody" that made my brain hurt. I'm not going to go into everyone else -- just the ones I feel like talking about.

Jamie Lynn Ward. Now, her father shot her mother and then himself, leaving him paralyzed in a wheelchair. We weren't told the mother's fate, but she doesn't live in the house so I'm guessing it's not good. It's a sad story, and it makes her this season's Kellie Pickler. But here's the thing. I may hate The Pickler now, but I really liked her after the audition. Why? Because she had a sad story and she sang the crap out of "Since U Been Gone." Jamie Lynn Ward did not sing the crap out of "Reflection." Had she been a regular girl without a good backstory, we wouldn't have even seen her audition, and she certainly wouldn't have made it to Hollywood.

Now, Chris Sligh. He also didn't sing the shit out of "Kiss From a Rose," but he said he was there to make David Hasselhoff cry, and for that he should be the next American Idol. Let's review: Dad shoots mom, self. Go home. Snarky comment about David Hasselhoff. You're the next American Idol. My heart is black and my soul is cold.

Last but now least, Brandy Patterson. Delusional and with an attitude up to here, she poured kerosene on "Like a Virgin," lit it on fire and then danced on the ashes. I mean, just, wow. The best part was Simon's reaction to her. I love it when Simon, who is so reserved, bursts into laughter. And when he said, "Call me," and she said, "I don't want to call you," and he said, "Yes you do," and they went on and on, I burst out laughing. I love me some Simon Cowell.

Paula was mysteriously absent on Day 2 of Birmingham. Did she really have "family business"? Was she too drunk to go on? Did the lack of talent in Birmingham send her over the edge? I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that this year's American Idol will not be from Alabama.

Link it up, baby:

Death by Camera has the Memphis contestant's MySpace Profiles.

EW has the full recap

As does TWoP