Monday News Update

Castoffs Dish to MTV
Robbie Carrico, Alexandrea Lushington, Jason Yeager and Alaina Whitaker sat down with MTV to discuss Britney Spears, wig allegations, David Archuleta being a big crybaby, almost being in O-Town,and the shock of one generic blond getting sent home while another stays. Fascinating stuff.

Why Jess Can Never Have Kids
An Indianapolis woman was so engrossed in American Idol that she forgot her three-year-old daughter was taking a bath. The kid almost drowned, and her other four kids were placed in protective custody. Bad mother, or really great seventh season? You decide.

Odds on Asia'H
Gambling 911, which gave us some serious link love last week, has compiled the best bets for this season's Idol hopefuls. Asia'H Epperson and David Archuleta have the best odds so far.

Imagine No Magic Underwear
Alleged Mormon Brooke White is now a confirmed Mormon, and also an LDS member? David Archuleta. That's probably why he cut the first verse of Imagine.

Josiah Leming Probably Never Going Away
A Fort Wayne, Indiana radio station gave the cult kid a free car to live in, some clothes and "other gifts." Also, he's made 40 grand selling his music online. You know what you can do with 40 grand? Pay rent. Just a thought.

SHOCKING Ramiele Malubay Photo
Are you ready for it? The shocking lesbian photo that is taking the Internets by storm? Can you handle it? Here goes:



Not a Real Shocker
Not that anyone wants to see them, but apparently Amanda Overmyer has some nudie photos out there somewhere. Don't we all, really? When we see 'em, we'll post 'em. Conside yourself warned. Also, when Amanda isn't forcing out constipated grunts into a mic, she can usually be found drunk driving. Here's the mug shot from her October 2006 arrest:



Speaking of scandals, anyone got any pics of David Hernandez stripping? If so, please send them to our eagerly awaiting email box. We'll give you big kisses. With tongue.

Four more hopefuls bite the dirt

After the last two nights that were unexpectedly busy leaving me no time to blog, I am happy to report that we are once again sans two more men and two women on Idol. Honestly, right now I’d rather be watching “Snapped!” on the Oxygen network. Or shoving frilly hors d'œuvre toothpicks in my eyeballs.

I loved Michael Johns opening the show’s ensemble number, and I desperately wanted to bleach my eyeballs when camera fucker David Cook took the stage in his place. Then cute little David Archuleta chimed in – and I’ll be a sausage biscuit if he didn’t sound like he might be the next Michael McDonald in something like twenty years.

Then for the women, singing Bonnie Tyler’s “It’s a heartache”, Carly Smithson rocked the stage and sounded fantastic. I had high hopes for this version of “heartache”. That is, until one-trick pony Amanda Overmyer started screeching and straining and grunting out her share of lyrics as if she were trying to squeeze off a number two. Every time she opens her mouth, I wonder what the fuck she’s still doing on this show.


First of the men going home: Jason Yeager. Thank goodness, because if it had been Danny Norriega, he’d have fainted like Scarlet O’Hara. Someone needs to teach Danny to school his features more, because every time he’s not singing into a microphone, he looks like a deer caught in the headlights of an 18 wheeler. Getting back to Jason Yeager, his sing out was better than his performance last night, much to his detriment.

I’m starting my prayers; vespers, if you will, that God sees fit to kick Amanda Overmyer to the curb this week. Please God, if you’re listening, make her go suck somewhere else, because bless her heart and Bride of Frankenstein hair disaster, I’m sick to death of having to watch her on Idol.

During the commercial break, I’m not-so-secretly hoping that the smarmy David Cook is the next boy with his neck on the chopping block. I won’t waste my prayers on it though; those are saved for Amanda Overmyer.

The first girlie going home this week: Alexandrea Lushington... which proves to me that there is a) no God in heaven, or b) I was a total asshole in my last life, and this is a big, fat, cosmic, karmic joke on Melissa. How the hell Amanda Overmyer escaped the blade yet again is beyond me, other than the votes were cast by horny 14 year old boys who think she’d put out because she’s a “rocker chick” who rides a hog. Whatever. Enjoy the spotlight while you’ve still got it, Frankenmyer. It’s gonna be a short ride. I predict even the horny 14 year olds get sick of her by next week’s eliminations.

I'll remove this if I have to (Really, Fox. I will! Don't be mad at me.) but this abomination bears reviewing in case you missed it - it really puts into perspective just how craptastic her performance was last night, and how mind bogglingly stupid it is that she's still in the running.

I think the real clencher was the St. Vitus dance she did throughout her performance. It looks less like dancing and more like some sort of horrible palsy.


Second female leaving us this week: some blonde girl who looks like all the other blond girls. It was Alaina Whitaker, who tearfully proclaimed “I can’t sing…” Because I am Melissa, Mistress of the Obvious, I feel compelled to point out “We know, honey.” I realize she was referring to her sing out, but I feel like being a bitch about it. Kudos to Alaina for actually singing herself out while devastated and completely choked up. I always have a little soft spot for people who have to sing while they’re crying. Sure her sing out performance was horrible, but unless you’re Michael Jackson or Dolly Parton, you’re gonna sound like diaper filling smells if you’re singing and crying simultaneously.

I always want to punch Ryan Seacrest right square in the pills during the melodramatic eliminations.

Last cut of the night and the second dude: Robbie Carrico and his plastic Barbie hair wig. I’m not going to cry myself to sleep over it. I think we’ve seen him in almost every season prior to this one, but in his previous incarnations he’s always been more charismatic and far more vocally talented. Laterz, Robbie. Somewhere there’s a bad Poison cover band looking for someone to fill in for their lead singer while he’s fulfilling his court ordered community service. You’ll do.

Top 20: Results Recap

Well, kids, there you have it. Almost 31 million people voted this week, and apparently a lot of them actually like Amanda Overmyer and Luke Menard. Luke's cute, so I can get that, but WHO THE HELL IS VOTING FOR AMANDA?! Dialers, show thyself! (Oh, I totally forgot about Dial Idol. Let's go see who they predicted. Okay, they had it too close to call.)

Here's who will not be your next American Idol: Jason Yeager, Alexandrea Lushington, Alaina Whitaker and Robbie Carrico.

Here are some things from the show worth mentioning, says me:

- David Cook is wearing a tuxedo T-shirt. David Cook, why are you trying so hard to make me hate you?

- Robbie took my advice about never removing the bandanna and showing us his nasty wig again. (Thanks to Jess for the link -- awesome name, lady.)

- Davd Archuleta was inconsolable during Alexandrea's singout. Ryan Seacrest also seemed a little choked up. That, or he finally hit puberty.

- Cat Deeley from So You Think You Can Dance? was in the audience. Love her!

And now, some announcements:

- March 11th: Top 12. Ruben Studdard recorded the new exit song. Nigel and company finally got their grubby little hands on the Lennon/McCartney song book, which means Beatles week. Prediction: Michael Johns will sing Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds and David Cook will sing Helter Skelter. Anyone want to bet me? Ooooh, I'm sensing a contest coming up! Stay tuned.

- April 9th: "Idol Gives Back." Last year, they raised 75 million dollars for Katrina victims and Africa, and won an Emmy. This year, they're going to have; Brad Pitt, Miley Cyrus, Reese Witherspoon, Mariah Carey, Daughtry and Carrie Underwood.

- Robbie Carrico has an insanely beautiful girlfriend for a former boy bander with a bad wig and an identity complex.

Check in for new updates early next week. I'm unemployed and have a new laptop on the way -- I may even post that shit DAILY!