Top 3: Results Show

Well, that was a pointless exercise. I'm not even going give you people on the west coast a spoiler alert because, really, are the results even surprising? The Davids advance while Syesha is Sarasota-bound.

Starting off the colossal waste of time was the group sing. This week's ritual slaughter was "Ain't No Stopping Us Now," complete with choreography! You know, for a supposed bad ass rocker, David Cook looked all too game and comfortable doing the retarded dance steps. Lame-o.

Before cutting to a commercial, the camera panned the audience revealing some gray-hair who I think, but don't quote me, was the "Let's Get Ready to Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuumble!" dude. Oh, and David Hernandez. Man, I totally forgot about that guy and the accompanying gay non-scandalous scandal.

After the commercial, Season 3 winner, Fantasia, took the stage sporting a shade of lipstick that miraculously matched her shock of hot pink hair. Her performance of "Bore Me" was... um... actually, here's Simon's reaction which I think says it all:

Incredulous.

Up next, the journeys home. It was at this time that my cable decided it was time to resume its recent habit of freezing up, pixelating and warping the picture and then jumping ahead, leaving entire blocks of time in its wake. Actually, come to think of it, I think this is probably what it feels like to be Paula Abdul.

So, I missed most of David Archuleta's return to Murray, Utah and a good chunk of Syesha's time in the Tampa area. I did catch the mayor of Sarasota, Lou Ann Palmer, doing a handstand, of all things. You KNOW she's been practicing that since Syesha got her golden ticket.

Unfortunately, my cable stopped crapping out just in time for the David Cook coronation in Blue Springs, MO which was characterized by lots of screaming girls and David dramatically dabbing the tears from his eyes. Pussy.

And then, finally, after about 58 minutes of time-wasting nonsense, we arrived at the most anti-climatic decision since poor Kimberly Locke had to pretend she had actually had a shot at toppling either Ruben Studdard or Clay Aiken way back in Season 2. Syesha Mercado accepted her fate without tears nor invoking the memory of the civil rights movement. That, perhaps, was the most shocking thing of all.

So, to summarize for you skimmers and/or dolts, your Top 2 are David Archuleta and... yaaaaaaaaawn... David Cook. My money's on Archuleta. What do you think?

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