Recap: Top 5 Results

Like, I know Neil Diamond is a legend and crap but I have to say, this week's show? Not so memorable. Perhaps I was just distracted by all the shiny sequins on Neil's shirts in the tribute montage thingy.

Is it just me or was that sequence quite heavy on The Jazz Singer clips? I think I need to add that movie to my Netflix queue. I haven't seen it in ages. I remember Laurence of Arabia played the disapproving father in it. Oh wait, or was it Laurence Olivier as the grumpy dad? Whatever. I DO remember that Lucie Arnaz was in it because I'm random like that.

Anyhoo, Idol... yeah, so last night's show wasn't much to blog about... as you can see by the dearth of recaps up in here. Paula's retardation was the only stand-out and well, that's not exactly news now is it?

In tonight's installment, we wasted a good 15 minutes or so on the medley (no "America"! Thank you, David Archuleta!), recaps from the previous night and then an extended promo for So You Think You Can Dance. I won't bitch about the latter too much since Mejack and Jess will kick my ass but good. They're big ol' fans, see.

After the commercial break, the producers made a half-assed attempt at suspense by lumping David Cook, Brooke White and Syesha Mercado in the at-risk group. If you really wanted to dick us around, Idol powers-that-be, you could have sent Syesha to safety first and made David sweat it out a little bit. But noooooooooooo. He of the ridiculous hair was released to the couches right away. Actually, he was soon followed by the two doomed broads because this was only 24 minutes into the broadcast and filler comes before fate, girls!

Helping to stretch out the broadcast:

• A performance by Natasha Bedingfield
• More stupid viewer calls including one from a Ms. Tara Miller, Simon's first kiss at the ripe old age of 9 (Go Simon!)
• A performance by Neil Diamond, sans sparkly shirt
• A drawn-out post-performance Q&A conducted by Ryan who was no doubt dutifully obeying the director's order to stretch

And then, finally, the results. Brooke was already crying by the time she and Syesha made it to the center of the stage. Ryan, sensing her increasingly delicate state -- and not wanting to be blamed for her mental collapse -- delivered the news quickly and mercifully... Brooke was the next to go. Hit it, Ruben!

Brooke's tribute clip and sing-out actually made me sad. I felt for the girl. Sure, she made me uncomfortable week after week to the point of painful itching, but I didn't hate her or anything. And really, that's what these kids are really striving for, right? Record deal, schmecord deal. Staying off my shit is the ultimate goal for any worthwhile American Idol candidate.