Idol Recap: The Lennon-McCartney Songbook

Ahh, American Idol: putting stink on Rock & Roll classics for 7 seasons now.

Syesha Mercado – She put a safe, early 80’s Earth, Wind & Fire spin on “Got to get you into my life”, even if it wasn’t her best vocal performance. I thought it lacked a little bit of sparkle, but she stayed true to the EW&F cover and ended up having fun with it. I have to agree with Simon, it was better than alright, and it was definitely better than last week’s performance.

Chikeze Eze – “She’s a woman”. Chikeze, honey, you knocked it out of the fucking park. You found your shining moment, and this was as close to PERFECT as it’s gonna get. Awesome job. I have nothing snarky to say… I guess it happens sometimes. I’m not in love with Chikeze but I’m warming to him thanks to this performance.

Ramiele Mulubay – “In my life” I have to agree with Jess that it started out seeming interesting then turned into a predictable, monumental bore. In fact I think her predictability is what will ultimately keep her from ever becoming the American Idol. But I do love me some sushi.

Jason Castro – “If I fell in love with you” – Randy didn’t love it. I did. I still say I’ll take on any bitch who tries to get in between me and the lovely, beautiful Jason Castro and his delicious dreds. When Simon called Jason’s performance “student in a bedroom at midnight”, I got all hot and bothered thinking about him in my bedroom at midnight… God. Is it hot in here, or is it just me? Verdict: he’s staying. And he’s in love with me, bitches.

Note: During Jason Castro’s (a.k.a. the future Mr. Melissa McGee) performance, I received the following email from my friend Sara in Brooklyn: “Seriously, I want to put Jason Castro on bread and eat him like a sandwich.”

Sara, we’ve known each other for about 25 years. We’ve been through it all together, and you know I’d lay down my life for you. But I’ll fight you for him. Don’t make me make you my bitch, Sara. I’ll do it. I’m out of control. You can’t stop me.

Carly Smithson – “Come together”. Carly rocked the shit out of this song. Best performance of the night. I don’t know what’s wrong with me; I’m awfully generous tonight. Do I have a secret reason that I’m in such a good mood? Maybe I do, and maybe I DO. Seriously, Carly made this song her very own and even managed to win Simon over with her song choice for the first time. My only complaint: I am begging the stylists of the show to NEVER put Carly in an electric blue satin potato sack again. Ever.

David Cook – “Eleanor Rigby” Man oh man, I really want to hate this smarmy camera fucker. His performance tonight didn’t deter that hatred in even the slightest. Can somebody please tell David Cook that he’s not Scott Stapp? All that was missing from his performance was the stop-action “Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon” ninja moves from that Creed video. Still, vocally, and it pains me to say this more than you could ever know, it didn’t completely suck. Okay, it didn’t suck at all. He was pretty good. Damn it.

Brook White – “Let it be”. I’ve not been the biggest fan of Brooke White so far, but I think she might have won me over with tonight’s performance. I’m not sure why, but I just… liked it. Technically it wasn’t what I think Idol performances should be, but damn it, she’s got a likeable Carly Simon quality to her when she’s on a piano. She seemed to step into the role of Rock-Ballad star pretty easily. Oh, and shut the fuck up, Randy. I’m sick of your yap.

David Hernandez - “I saw her standing there”. To say I loathed it wouldn’t be strong enough. I seriously wanted to mute the volume. Maybe I’m gearing up to hate Amanda Overmyer’s performance, but I thought it was just… well, not good in any way. Not a good song choice, and although I hate to EVER agree with Randy, I would have to concur that it was “a little overdone”. To say the least.

Amanda Overmyer - “You can’t do that.” Leather Tuscadero once again sounds like she has a ginormous cream cheese bubble in her damn throat and it makes me want to kick her in the neck just to knock it clear. And if she landed on her face that would just be a bonus. Is there a song that Amanda Overmyer doesn’t work the word “child” into? I don’t think so, America. Randy said she took a Beatles classic and rocked it out as if she’d been "in a Southern Bar." Is that supposed to be a compliment? ‘Cause Randy, you fucktard, I LIVE in the south, and playing at a Southern Bar means you HAVE NOT MADE IT. You’re singing to drunken rednecks with Rebel flags in the rear window of their pickup trucks. Rednecks itchy to pick a fight and cut you with a broken beer bottle. VFTW will ensure that bubblethroat remains in the competition for another week, so there’s no point in my rant but one thought does bear repeating: I hate Amanda Overmyer.

Michael Johns – “Across the Universe”. I didn’t think I could like this song any more than I already did, but now I know I can, especially when I imagine Michael Johns singing it to me while wearing nothing but a smile. Erm, I mean… well, yeah, that was totally what I meant. Did anybody else notice the picture of cute little Michael as a kid in Oz wearing a VEGEMITE sweatshirt? How freaking Australian is he? Aaaaannnnd he’s safe.

Kristy Lee Cook - She took a risk with a hillbilly arrangement of “Eight Days a Week”, and boy howdy did it ever NOT work. She was all over the place with the fucked up tempo, and the arrangement was just a big hot mess. This performance was just further proof that Beatles songs should never, and I repeat NEVER be countrified. And also that Kristy Lee Cook is going to be the next Idol wannabe voted off. Paula said she didn’t get it. For once, I don’t think it was because she was high. Simon thought it was horrendous. I have to agree. Also, I was wondering what was making her eyeballs bug out of her head while she was singing. Possibly the thousand points of light caused by that farkatke sequined tanktop that caused seizures all over the country. Bye bye, Sparkle McHillbilly.

David Archuleta – “We can work it out”. I counted twice that he forgot the lyrics, and it destroyed his confidence. His vocal was the weakest its been so far, which is saying something, because he’s been consistently awesome since the auditions. Still I think he’s a safe bet to stick around for a while longer.

Melissa's pick for ousted Idol: Kristy Lee Cook