Top 20 Recap: Boys

70s week. Jesus. Kill me now.

Michael Johns 'Go Your Own Way' (Fleetwood Mac)
Michael Johns has a shocking secret, y'all. He plays tennis. Yawn. Double yawn on his song. It was okay, but nothing remotely "wow" about it. Still hot, though. I'd do him. So would Paula Abdul, obviously.

Jason Castro 'I Just Want to Be Your Everything' (Bee Gees)
Jason Castro IS my everything. God he's adorable. His shocking secret is that he doesn't like to talk, which works out just fine for me, because I have no talking in mind whatsoever. (Sorry, I get a little frisky when I have my period. TMI!) The judges think he didn't pick such a great song, and I agree. They also thing he should lose the guitar next week. Again, I agree.

Luke Menard 'Killer Queen' (Queen)
You know, I don't really like to talk about my fair. That said, Luke is only rocking the required amount of flair, and if he wants to emulate Freddie Mercury, he's going to have to step it up a bit methinks. Don't you want to express yourself, Luke? Also, shocking secret: Homeboy sings in an a capella group.

Robbie Carrico 'Hot Blooded' (Foreigner)
Is anyone shocked to find out that Robbie drag races? I'm not. Everything about Robbie is overcompensation for being in a boy band -- the long hair, the wallet chain, the bandanna, the "rock," the drag racing ... this guy is knee-deep in an identity crisis. Speaking of the bandanna, I take back everything I said about it last week -- he should never, ever take it off again. The performance was okay, but it felt a little boring and safe, which is my general feeling on the guys up to this point this week.

Danny Noriega 'Superstar' (The Carpenters)
Danny's secret is he used to be in a terrible punk band. I didn't love this performance -- a bit old-fashioned for someone sorting such a kicky sweater. I did like he he managed to be bitchy, respectful and funny all at once during his criticism, though.

David Hernandez 'Papa Is a Rolling Stone' (The Temptations)
David Hernandez used to be a gymnast, which I bet made him a very popular stripper. If, you know, that stripper thing is actually true, which is may not be, but those smoldering gazes tonight made me think it might be. Anyway, I thought he rocked this. I forgot how awesome he is. And I like that he showed a bit of personality to boot. He gets all my dollar bills.

Jason Yeager 'Long Train Running' (The Doobie Brothers)
Oh, Jason Yeager. Such a nice fella. So bound for a Carnival cruise line. Maybe he and Haley Scarnato can tour together. His secret is that e plays a lot of instruments, and fathered a child before he hit puberty. Okay, I made that last part up.

Chikezie Eze 'I Believe to My Soul' (Donny Hathaway)
Chikezie's secret is that his name is Nigerian and actually sounds much cooler the way it's actually pronounced. He won me over a bit this week, but the wink pissed me off a little. Don't wink, people. It's not cute -- it's smarmy.

David Cook 'All Right Now' (Free)
I am so torn about David Cook. On the one hand, he's a word nerd. Me too! That makes me want to like him. On the other hand, his hair. On the other hand, when he performs, I generally lie it. On the other hand, don't give Simon attitude -- it makes you look like a defensive douche. I would liken my opinion of David Cook to that of Linkin Park -- I've been trying to hate that band for years but then I find myself jamming out to a song on the radio and say, "Who's this?" and inevitably, it's Linkin Park.

David Archuleta 'Imagine' (John Lennon)
David's secret is that he went to the first season finale and sang for everyone in the lobby and Kelly Clarkson called him "dude" and gave him a big hug. And I'm going to be totally honest here, unlike the sugarcoating and being too nice that I usually do -- I did not get this kid up until now. I mean, sure, great voice. Cute enough kid. But "eh." This performance sealed it for me, though -- I thought it was fantastic. I mean, he made Paula Abdul cry! No one's ever done that! Okay, that wasn't true. I'm a liar.

Favorite: David Archuleta
Least favorite: Luke Menard
Going home: Jason Yeager and Luke Menard