Get in shape, girls! (see also, Awesome Toys from the 80's)

Okay, here goes:

Carly Smithson: “Crazy on You”-- So that’s how you’re gonna play it, Carly? Pipes like that and you’re STILL going to pick a snooze fest of a tune like that looking like you got lost on your way to a wake? Tell you what, it’s looking like it’s a darn good thing someone taught you how to expertly render those delightful little shamrocks in the foam of the Guinness pints you sling when you’re not inking tats with your hubby (and can you teach me how to do that, kthanxbai). At this rate, there might be plenty more in your future.

Sysesha Mercado: Ahhhhhh, I am traumatized she can do such an eerily accurate baby wail on cue! Ahhhh! Ahh! What was the song? Oh never mind, it appears I didn’t miss that much of a performance anyhow—yawn.

Brooke White: “You’re so Vain”--Brooke didn’t slam me quite as hard with the whole Mary Sunshine act this go-around, but I’m still not half as impressed as the judges are with her, particularly Simon. She struggled a lot with those low notes. What gives? Nevertheless, this was the best, least forced performance thus far.

Ramiele Maluby: (sorry, I can never remember the name of this song) Has anyone pointed out that Ramiele is a few snips shy of having the same haircut as Christian from Project Runway? Another barely suppressed yawn here.

Kristy Lee Cook: “You’re No Good” Hmmmm, I suspect there’s a joke lurking somewhere in that song title. Ten dollars says Simon says, “well, Kristy, unfortunately the song title is spot on this week.” Ten Dollars! Anybody? (a minute later) Oh, COME ON, guys—it was blander than bland!! This girl is oatmeal personified.

Amanda Overmyer: “Carry On My Wayward Son” --Hey, guys, so I know that Amanda looks really rough around the edges and you know, totally badass in that way that only shiny, flame embroidered pants and a Cruella DeVil coif can properly convey—but you want to know something that’s gonna make you trip your balls off? She’s actually a NURSE!!!! I KNOW! Go home, Amanda. And word, Simon, it’s like she’s dressing with her unlikely Mattel replica in mind.

Alaina Whitaker: “Hopelessly Devoted to You”—totes pitchy in places, but I rather liked it despite the flaws. And I rather like her, though her OCD tendencies she talked about in her video trouble me—how is girlfriend gonna survive on the Idol tour bus this summer?

Alexandrea Lushington: “ Baby Please Don’t Go”—This song always makes me want to stand and gently sway in the middle of a football field at dawn, prom dress askew. That is all.

Kady Malloy: “Magic Man” --Oh honey—no. This girl is so damn likeable in her video clips, but that song? Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride alllllll over that staff. And are those Everlasting Gobbstoppers glued onto her dress?

Asia’h Epperson: “All By Myself”--Again, not without its rusty spots, but I think Asia’h has a lot more potential than many of the other girls. The song was a bit big for her, yeah, but she injected it with way more fervor than anyone else did tonight.

Predictions for the axe: Amanda Overmyer, please GOD, Amanda Overmyer!