six days left & i'm locked and loaded

With only 6 days left to go, I am READY for the Season Premier of American Idol.

And I mean READY.

I'm planning a ginormous AI Premier Watching Party Bash Extravaganza for next Tuesday here at Casa Melissa complete with canned spray cheese, (jalapeno flavored, because I'm nothing if I'm not classy, and I mean klassy.) chick'n biscuit crackers - TWO boxes, NAME BRAND pizza rolls, (I'm not dropping any names here, but it rhymes with Schmotino's) some raw brownie dough and of course, beers.

Many, many beers. I'm planning on being piss drunk by around 2 pm. WAY before Paula.

In case I didn't mention it, I'm the guest of honor at my Premier Watching Party Bash Extravaganza. And the only guest. In case I didn't mention it. Turns out my friends don't like to hang around when I'm drunk and emptying can after can of jalapeno flavored spray cheese directly into my pie hole without using the chick'n biscuits as cheese vehicles. Or when all of the beers seem to have raw brownie dough caked on them because I can't be bothered to use utensils to eat something packacked in a tube.

While Jess, Curly, Mejack et all will be watching the season premier in style from the comfort and cosmopolitan digs of the Official American Midol luxury bunker in NYC, I'll be drunk and smeared with brownie dough and cheese here in Texas.

I won't miss a thing though, because I spent all day last Monday sitting on my ample ass waiting for the cable company to come out and install my DVR. I've LEAPED into the 90's. Locked and loaded, bitches. If the live premier is just a hazy, drunken memory besmirched by preservatives, CFC's and a few hysterical crying jags, I can just hit "play" during my hangover and it'll be just like new.

Drunk or not, I'll have it all recorded.

I'm going with "drunk".