Recap: Charleston Auditions

Well, that was boring. Here are some of Charleston's lowlights...

Rasharde Henderson
This dude compared himself to Clay Aiken. Willingly and on purpose. Clearly, the boy cannot be right in the head. Richard Simmons is a far better comparison, no?

DeAnna Prevatte
Hi, I'm not making fun of her because she may very well run me down with a baseball bat while wearing sensible flats. Yeah.

Randy Stark & Crystal Ortiz
So Randy is the self-proclaimed "guru" on AmericanIdol.com's message boards. To really drive home the nerdy point, his girlfriend did a Yoda impersonation in which she touted his message board mastery. That shit sent me into a near-rage.

But then again, what do I expect from people who park themselves in front of their computers and do nothing but discuss the minutiae of "American Idol" season after season? Oh, wait...

P.S. If this audition was a "Saturday Night Live" skit, Rachel Dratch and Seth Meyers would totally play the roles of Randy and Crystal.

Michelle & Jeffery Lampkin
Hi, Jeffery? Meshach Taylor called and wants his Hollywood Montrose character back.

Amy Catherine, Amy, A.C., Whatevs Flynn
Yet another out-and-proud virgin. Oooh, how juicy would that be if she and Bruce Dickson somehow meet up and he gives her his "key," if you catch my meaning.

Pssst, it means he sticks his penis in her vagina.

Anyhoo, Amy Catherine, Amy, A.C., Whatevs looks frighteningly similar to Roman Grant's youngest wife on "Big Love." She really has that crazed "I live on a compound and can't drink Mountain Dew" look about her.

Aretha Codner
I think a visual best expresses what was on everyone's mind at the first glimpse of Aretha...

Sigh... How much longer until Hollywood Week?