Top 6: Results... Um, I Mean, Cock Tease

Wow. That was an emotional two hours. Seriously, portions of it got me ::right here.:: Simon and Ryan's trip to Kenya was particularly brutal. I needed more than one tissue to get me through that bit.

Speaking of uncontrollable sobbing, anyone else think it was a little cruel to let Jordin Sparks twist in the wind like that? I totally thought she lost and judging by her sopping wet face, she did too. I don't think I need to remind anyone that SHE'S SEVENTEEN especially since Randy says it like clockwork, you know, each and every week without fail. God, that was cruel.

Even crueler? Subjecting us to the Celine/Elvis duet of "If I Can Dream" right on the heels of the celebrity-packed "Stayin' Alive" video...

I honestly don't know which one was creepier, to be honest. No wait, I do... Someone make the scary Helena Bonham Carter go away!

I guess there's not much else to say except that this concludes our week of subdued critique. Since no one lost, we can't do a victory dance or curse out the voting public. Well, technically we could but we'd look a touch silly. So, that's that and we'll resume being assholes again next week when there's no charitable causes to make us feel all guilty and shit.

And, continuing in the spirit of generosity and good will, I went and gave Paula a big ol' goose egg on the Insanity Index this week. But that's where this being nice bullshit ends! It's starting to give me hives. Grrr... Bloody do-gooders.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to take an anti-histamine chased by a good stiff drink.