Monday News Brief

Move Over Alaina...
Chris Richardson found something leaner... Lauren Conrad, to be exact. I really have nothing to add because I don't care enough about the girl to investigate further except that I think she's on one of those MTV shows I don't watch. Am I right? It's some unscripted crap about a hilly beach or some shit like that, yes? Oh, I don't care, just as long as Chris is gettin' him some, gettin' him some. That's my boy. (BuddyTV)

Hooked on Phonics Worked for Fantasia
She's not illiterate. She just can't read lots of letters when they're next to lots of other letters. There's a difference, duh. (People)

Paula Said What?
Are you like me? Have you memorized all of Paula's ramblings this season? If so, test your scary mettle with EW.com's new quiz which asks you to name the judge's critique. Here's a hint: If the quote contains the word "dawg" in it, it's a good bet it's Randy. You're welcome. (EW)

Don't Be Fooled by the Rocks That She's Got...
... She's still one of the single most overrated musical talents ever. That's right, boys and girls, J.Lo hits the Idol stage this week. Stay tuned for lots of uncomfortable interactions, empty praise, fake hugs and -- her speciality -- deep nasal vocals. Hot. (AmericanIdol.com)