Tuesday News Update

We didn't have a Monday update, and it was all my fault because I got drunk and watched The Wicker Man with Chicken Supreme instead of posting one. That movie is a craptastic joy to watch, let me tell you.

Antonella Barba is Jesus
How Antonella Barba became the most famous person on Earth boggles the mind. Look, she's even on toast now. Toast! (eBay)

Antonella Barba Also Pisses People Off
A bunch of people who have way too much time on their hands and could use a nice gin and tonic and possibly some meditation to chill the fuck out, are protesting at the Kodak Theater as I write this because they think Antonella should get the boot. Whatever. Also, more pics of her acting like a porn star at the WWII memorial. (WWTDD, aka Jess' Future Husband)

Jennifer Hudson's Pants Are on Fire
'Extra' decided to do a little investigative journalism, and look into Jennifer Hudson's incessant claims that Simon was a big old meanie to her and the show was abusive and wah wah boo hoo you're famous now shut up. Anyway, turns out she's a big old liar. I'm taking Beyonce's side. (TMZ)

Simon Cowell Thinks Taylor Hicks Sucks
I knew there was a reason Simon was my homeboy. While we don't all hate Taylor Hicks here at American Midol, the haters are most definitely in the majority. Shocking, right? Us hating someone? (TV Grapevine)

Simon Cowell Also Thinks Rehab is Cool
I usually agree with what Simon has to say, but when he takes on my girl Britney Spears, I need to defend her. Give her a break, dude. Girlfriend lost her freaking mind. (TV Grapevine)