Top 10 Recap

Here are my thoughts on the contestants tonight:

LaKisha Jones: Donna Summer, "Last Dance"
LaKisha can sing her ass off, but for some reason, I'm just not feeling her. She did a great job, and like the judges said, it was nice to see her doing something upbeat. But compared to Mindy Doo, who is her major competition vocally, she's not nearly as likeable. But can we mention the breasts? Holy Mary mother of Christ.

Chris Sligh: The Police, "Every Little Thing She Does is Magic"
Chris Sligh moves to the beat of a different drummer, and not in a good way. What a fucking mess that was. I guess Jesus doesn't favor Chris the way he favored Carrie Underwood.

Gina Glocksen: The Pretenders, "I'll Stand By You"
I've been in the minority with the Gina love, but I think she really pulled through tonight. That was awesome. Totally awesome. And I don't get the "smug" thing that everyone says about her. She seems genuine and really, really emotional. Which, despite my love for her, isn't very rockin'.

Sanjaya Malakar: No Doubt, "Bath Water"
Is this song really about sitting in someone's dirty bath water? Gross. Also, I firmly believe that Sanjaya is just fucking with us at this point. He may even have struck a deal with Howard Stern. Or Satan.

Haley Scarnato: Cyndi Lauper, "True Colors"
Wait, who is Haley Scarnato? Oh, that chick who dressed all slutty last week and is a less talented and less pretty Katharine McPhee? Right! Wait, she sang tonight? I barely remember.

Phil Stacey: The Police, "Every Breath You Take"
So the creepiest guy in the competition sang the creepiest song ever recorded. Which basically made the performance creepy squared. It doesn't even matter that he nailed it vocally – which he did – Blake has the confidence and Chris R. has the cute (Chris R.! Call me!) so Phil's days are numbered. I maintain that he's the best male vocalist in the competition, and admittedly that isn't saying much.

Melinda Doolittle: Donna Summer, "Heaven Knows"
Mindy Doo can do no wrong. I voted for her three times. She's small and oddly-shaped and missing a neck, but boy is she a joy to watch. And I didn't hate the outfit, Simon.

Blake Lewis: The Cure, "Love Song"
I am not at all impressed with Blake. I think he's gimmicky and he makes weird, constipated faces when he sings. And when I heard there was going to be a Cure song, and he started his beat-boxing shit, I was ready to throw down. The Cure is my second favorite band of all time, you see, second to only Pantera. But much to my dismay, Blake delivered. I actually quite enjoyed it. That fucker.

Jordin Sparks: No Doubt, "Hey Baby"
Jordin's right up there with Mindy Doo in terms of the likeability factor. And I thought this had some rough spots, but overall it was fun and I dug it. I also loved Gwen Stefani saying that she didn't realize how "musical" the song could be, meaning she didn't realize what it would sound like if someone who actually had a good voice sang it. Am I hating on Gwen Stefani? A little.

Chris Richardson: No Doubt, "Don't Speak"
Chris is adorable and I want to teach him the ways of love with an older woman, but seriously, he's way out of his league. And I don't understand why Randy and Paula keep heaping praise on him at all. And is it me, or did he look like he wanted to cry when Simon told him he sucked? There, there, Chris. Let mama give you a big hug and make it all better. Oh, and take off those pants.

And there you have it. Also, Gwen Stefani wasn't nearly as annoying as I thought she'd be, and Paul wasn't nearly as crazy as I hoped she'd be. Predictions: Bottom three – Phil Stacey, Chris Richardson and Haley Scarnato. Going home? Haley. Should be going home? Sanjaya and his fauxhawk of gentle doom.