Thursday News Update

Sanjaya Starves People to Death
A woman calling herself "J" on MySpace has decided to go on a hunger strike until Sanjaya Malakar is voted off the show. You can read her profile, befriend her or call her a nutjob here. I'm thinking of joining her -- I've wanted to lose a few pounds anyway, and hunger strikes are way cooler than just starving yourself for no reason. Anyone else wanna join me? (Access Hollywood)

Howard Stern Deserves a Beatdown
Who's voting for Sanjaya, you ask? Howard Stern fans. The shock jock took a page out of Vote for the Worst's playbook, urging listeners to vote for the Idol hopeful. I dig Howard and all, but I'm not sure I can live in a world where I see Sanjaya's mug as much as I see Taylor Hicks. (MTV.com)

Ryan Seacrest Digs Chicks
Despite Simon Cowell's uncomfortable urging of Ryan Seacrest to come out of the closet, sources close to the host say he's straight as an arrow. Ex-girlfriend Shana Wall, who hosts an online cooking show, tells In Touch that they had an "amazing and passionate relationship." I wrote a couple of Ryan is gay jokes and then deleted them, because I'm tired of his ambiguous sexuality. You hear that? No more Ryan is gay jokes! Ever! Anyone want to make a bet on how long I'll stick with that? (National Ledger)

Chris Sligh Hates Jesus
Some uptight Christian folks in Chris Sligh's hometown of Greenville, SC are a little concerned about his faith. It seems the mop-topped contestant was all about the Jesus tunes prior to being on the show, but has now -- gasp! -- sung a few songs that are not at all about faith in the Lord. In other news, uptight Christians in Chris Sligh's hometown of Geenville, SC really, really want him to lose the show. (South Bend Tribune)

And if you missed Paula Abdul's batshit crazy interview on Letterman Monday night, well, I suggest you get caught up with the rest of the cool kids: