Top 12 Girls: Curly's Recap

Even though my esteemed colleagues have already delighted and enthralled you with their most excellent episode summaries, I thought I'd give you one more wee thrill for today because I'm generous and caring like that... unless you cross me and then the only thing I'll happily dish out is a hateful stare and a severe ass whuppin'.

Um, guess who forgot to take her meds today? Here's something to keep you occupied while I go hit the Duane Reade for some more happy pills:

Stephanie Edwards
Performed: "How Come You Don't Call Me" by Alicia Keys
Maybe all those hours spent listening to my iPod on an extremely high volume have rendered me deaf but I didn't think Stephanie did all that well. Does she have stage presence and charisma? Absolutely! Does she have busted knees today? For sure! But I don't think she was as great as the judges made her out to be. I didn't like her approach to this song at all. It was too deliberate and forced for my liking. I don't hate her though and for that, I'm sure Stephanie is relieved. Aren't ya, Steph?

Amy Krebs
Performed: "I Can't Make You Love Me" by Bonnie Raitt
I have to agree with Mejack's husband on her choice of dress. It most definitely looked like drapes. Or a bedspread from the Holiday Inn. She's toast. Bye, Amy. You're going home.

Leslie Hunt
Performed: "Natural Woman" by Aretha Franklin
I really wish Idol producers would banish this song. I'm tired of these hacks butchering it, particularly bouncy dog walkers without a stitch of soul. Seriously, don't smile and dance like a goof during a song that requires equal parts sass and attitude. This was painful for me to watch. Simon, as always, nailed it when he suggested that she was out of her comfort zone.

Sabrina Sloan
Performed: "I Never Loved A Man (The Way I Love You)" by Aretha Franklin
Finally!!! Someone did Aretha right. This was beyond awesome. I love her voice and call me biased, but I'm also digging her curls. Good on ya, Sabrina.

Antonella Barba
Performed: "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" by Aerosmith
Well, that sucked. However, I fear we're stuck with Antonella. In fact, I bet she's going to be like that Russian kid with the hole in his throat who stayed around far too long because gay men thought he was hot.

Oh, and Antonella? In answer to the question you posed to the judges, "What can I do better?" I have several suggestions. For example, might I suggest not sucking majorly? Yeah, that'll work. Dropping out of the competition and going home is also an equally acceptable answer.

Jordin Sparks
Performed: "Gimme One Reason" by Tracy Chapman
I love Jordin. In fact, she's my female equivalent of Chris Richardson. She can do no wrong. Unless either of them sing something from Creed or Anne Murray and then I'll abandon them right quick.

Nicole Tranquillo
Performed: "Stay" by Chaka Khan
What the hell was that?! Nicole, you're a honkey from Pennsylvania. And a voice major! Who told you to try to crack the urban market? Liking Chaka Khan is not license to sing her songs. Hell, I like Maria Callas but you don't hear me busting out any arias, do you? Well, I do but it's only when I'm in the shower or really drunk. Sometimes both. My muddled point is: Know your limits, dumb ass. Oh and stop dancing like a spaz. Class dismissed.

Haley Scarnato
Performed: "It's All Coming Back to Me Now" by Celine Dion
I really have nothing to say other than that I vote Haley as Most Likely to Headline a Show on the Norwegian Dawn.

Melinda Doolittle
"Since You've Been Gone" by Aretha Franklin
That kicked ass and for the rest of the season, I pity anyone who has to follow Melinda. Except maybe Lakisha Jones. Oh man, can you imagine a duet between those two?!?

Alaina Alexander
Performed: "Brass in Pocket" by The Pretenders
What did The Pretenders ever do to you, Alaina? Clearly something very wrong judging by the way you shit all over one of their best songs. Shameful! But even worse than that sin, if you can imagine it, were your dopey rim shot and "Call me!" gestures. Unforgivable. It's official: I hate you and you look like one of the chicks from Kissing Jessica Stein and I hate that movie too. In other words, I've got it in for you.

Gina Glocksen
Performed: "All By Myself" by Celine Dion
I'm not really feeling Gina. Although, she was perhaps the one white girl of the evening who didn't suck total ass. I can't say I hate her but like Blake, she could easily venture into asshole territory. Proceed with caution, Gina, or you'll end up like Alaina and really, is there a worse fate than being on Curly McDimple's Shit List? I think not.

Lakisha Jones
Performed: "And I'm Telling You" by Jennifer Holiday
That was hot. It will be really interesting though to see how Lakisha handles the weekly themes, particularly country music. Lakisha can blow but I'm curious to see if she can dial down the big voice and deliver a more subtle performance here and there. Wow, I just sounded all fancy and professional and shit. If no one else, I just impressed myself.

Predictions:
Say goodbye to Hollywood, Nicole Tranquillo and Amy Krebs.