Paula's Insanity Index

Hot on the heels of the release of The Official Paula Abdul Scattergram, we bring you its equally-cranky companion: The Paula Abdul Insanity Index. It's an "at-a-glance" feature that is updated weekly for those of you who don't have the time nor the inclination to track Paula's pattern of behavior on our handy dandy chart.

For those of you who fall into this category, listen up. Uh, the rest of you can go ahead and skip to the next paragaph. To the slackers: How lazy can you get? I'm going to venture a guess and say that you never once participated in an extra-curricular activity in school, did you? And extra credit was a foreign concept to you and was better left to nerds like me, right? And furthermore, you gave the smart kids who did partake in such endeavors atomic wedgies back then, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU!?!?!

Ahem. Sorry. As I was saying, if you look to the top right of the sidebar each week, you'll see Paula's manic mug with a big ol' number under it. That figure is calculated after hours of heated deliberation, painstaking behavioral analysis and feverish scientific computation. Okay, so it's more like we all think about it for a few seconds and randomly pick a number between 1 and 10 and then I tap into my stellar math skills and average it. And by stellar math skills, I mean I use an existing formula in Excel.

This week American Midol has determined that Paula's level o' crazy is 6.2 (out of a possible 10). For closer inspection and to preserve your eyesight, please click on the graph to enlarge:

Click to enlarge

Analysis: After a week of disappointing coherence, Paula ventured back into the retard realm this week. Her antics were rather subdued (by Paula Abdul standards) but she did exhibit the occasional flash of freak. I cite her constant fidgeting and the return of the seal clap on day one of the Birmingham auditions as examples. The fact that she wasn't even there on the second day lends further credence to my argument.

Paula was surprisingly well-behaved during the L.A. round. I credit the calming effect of Olivia Newton John and whatever chemicals her doctor shot her up with during day two in Alabammy.

Fingers crossed for a full-on freak out next week, kiddies!