News Roundup

Greetings! One-fifth of your favorite "pseudo-intellectual satirist" team has just returned from Ireland, where I dutifully watched a little bit of the Memphis auditions during football half-time (soccer for you Americans). I still have a couple of hours to catch up on, so I'll stick with the news until I've done so. I do, however, love Sean Michel, the homeless-looking hippie dude who sang Johnny Cash. I want to do bong hits with him. Anyway, the news:

Simon Cowell hates technology, music, often rubs two sticks together to make fire. Guess that means he'll never read American Midol. (AZ Central)

Katharine McPhee releases her highly-anticipated (couldn't even type that with a straight face) debut album. If you're curious to hear what all the fuss is about, but loathe to shell out the big bucks to do so, it's your lucky day, because AOL Music is streaming that bitch for free. (WTOP)

Armed & Famous cancelled due to poor ratings, leading TV execs and the media to the shocking conclusion that if you want a new show, an old show or any show, really, to succeed, you might not want to air it opposite American Idol. (Canada.com)

Chris Daughtry's debut album hits #1. In related news, Americans have really shitty taste in music. (93X Rocks)

Everything you never wanted to know about what went on behind the scenes at the Birmingham auditions. (MyFox Birmingham)

When drunk and incoherent, it's always best to blame Simon Cowell. Riiiight, Paula. (Access Hollywood)

And there you have it. I'd also like to address a couple of search terms that have recently brought visitors to the site. First, to the person who got here by searching for "mean american idol bloggers suck," I'm terribly sorry you feel that way. And for the individual searching for Ryan Seacrest's height, the official party line is 5'8", but since short guys always add an inch or two, I'm guess he's actually around 5'6" or 5'7". Has anyone stood next to him? If so, kindly weigh in.