6 Things I Learned From The American Idol Premiere

1. It might not be a good idea to have Burt Lahr as your Muse. Gutteral lion showtunes does not an idol make.

2. Simon and Randy make a lot of decisions based on their Weiners.

3. I know all the words to Prince's song "Kiss". In fact, EVERYONE knows the words to that song except for that weird girl wearing the tie. I was so embarrassed for her I was actually prompting her. Through the TV.

4. Don't sing a Jewel song to Jewel. Just don't. If you don't understand why you should not do that, you should probably just go and kill yourself.

(Incidentally,Sheila and I shouting "SNAGGLETOOTH" in unison was one of my favorite moments of the evening.)

5. Crack babies can sing good, yo. Word.

6. The old "using the wrong door" bit never gets old.