McPhee's Got the McPhlegm

My favorite "American Idol" runner-up ever, the lovely Katharine McPhee, is already cashing in her sick days just in time for the kick-off of the "Idol" tour.

Naturally I wish KMcPhee a speedy recovery... primarily because I have a ticket to see her shake her bountiful ass on July 16 at Nassau Coliseum.

Seriously, toots, you best rest up. I ain't paying 50 smackers and schlepping out to Long Island just so's Kellie Pickler can burst my ear drums and Taylor Hicks can send me into a fit of hysterical blindness courtesy of his on-stage convulsions. Sorry... dancing.

So, get to healing! Otherwise, I'll demand a refund AND a private show. Actually, even if you do perform on the 16th, Kat, I still want my own private show anyway. And by "private show," I mean that I want to bang you. Repeatedly. Just be sure to leave your scary boyfriend at home. After all, he's old and decrepit and certainly not ready for THIS jelly.

Photo: FOX