Incoming!

Because of my fondness for all things Hoff-related and because of the program's ties to one Simon Cowell, I, Curly McDimple, am volunteering to be your roving "America's Got Talent" reporter. I set up my DVR just this morning to record the entire series.

I don't know about you but I look forward to issuing bitch slaps to the assholes across America who dare rear their less-than-talented heads in public. Stay tuned!

Photo: NBC