Brandy Hates Burlesque People

I'm not a fan of the Brandy. The singer nor the beverage, in case you needed clarification. Although, that duet she did with Monica a few years back was kinda hot. But whatever, as a person, she's a tool.

Well, if I'm being honest, I never really gave her much thought prior to last week. Now that I'm watching "America's Got Talent" and have witnessed her antics as a judge? Girlfriend has found herself smack-dab in my bitchy cross-hairs. She has ratcheted high up on my list of people I loathe. She's getting into Taylor Hicks territory. That's serious.

I find her to be vapid, humorless and not the least bit interesting or entertaining. Actually, that pretty much sums up "America's Got Talent" as a whole, but whatever, I had the strep and I was bored so I watched again... and um, took stills with my camera. Shut up.

Lest you think I'm pulling my hatred out of thin air, I would like, if I may, to take you on a photographic journey on why I found Brandy so despicable this week...

Here we have the lovely Michelle L'amour doing a sassy-yet-safe-for-primetime burlesque number. I applauded her efforts.

Judging by the puss on Brandy's face, she did not...

I thought perhaps Brandy was concerned for the young'uns in the audience and was put off by Michelle's seductive strut on the otherwise family-friendly stage. I can understand if that were Brandy's concern. However! Allow me to present you all with Exhibit B, aka one of the members of Side Swipe, the... um... what were they exactly? Dance karate troupe? Whatever. They were the dudes who came on right after Michelle L'amour and flailed around the stage all shirtless and suggestive-like.

Heavens to Betsy! Certainly the morality marm of "America's Got Talent" won't stand for such filth on this program! Let's gauge her reaction!

What's this? Why, she looks pleased! Delighted, even. Oh, where oh where have Miss Brandy's delicate sensibilities gone? Why she looks happier than a pig in shit after having witnessed those dirty hooligans exposing their heaving, glistening, chiseled chests to the innocent eyes in the audience.

But what about the children, Brandy? What about the children?!

Now, don't get me wrong. Despite being one of the lezzies, I can -- and do -- still appreciate the male physique. Who am I to deny Brandy a wee tingle in her cooch? I will not block the taco. Ever. But, dude, what was up with that face (scroll up) when her fellow female bared a wee bit of skin? Methinks Brandy is a member in good standing of the He-Man Woman Haters Club. That's what methinks. In fact, Brandy, hand in your vagina! You're a disgrace and not fit to possess a beaver. You disgust me.

Michelle L'amour, on the other hand? Hand ME your vagina. Or let's have dinner first. Whichever. Call me.