Stick a Fork in Her...

I think Katharine McPhee's done. Taylor Hicks has this thing in the bag. Sigh...

Why did Kat even bother showing up last night? The entire hour was one big long coronation of Taylor. From the numerous cuts to Paula Abdul rocking out and gushing up a storm to Simon's final comment pronouncing Hicks the winner. Not fair.

I hope Kat wins just to give a big ol' "fuck you" to the producers and Paula. Not that Paula holds much sway in the outcome anyway but I firmly believe she should be cursed out whenever and wherever possible. With that said... Suck my dick, Paula!

Alas, DialIdol.com has The Tard soundly thumping Tits McPhee. And judging by the results of our last poll, the majority of "American Midol" readers (all 24 of you... and counting) think Taylor's salt-and-pepper locks will soon be (partially) covered up by the 'Idol' crown. Have you voted yet? If not, click here and do it now. If you already voted, vote again! This ain't no democracy. Stuff the ballot box, yo. We totally welcome voting irregularities.

Can't say I'm surprised. The producers have been paving the way for Taylor for weeks. What I did find surprising, though, was the crappy quality of the original songs the finalists were forced (at gun point, I hope) to warble. I mean, I wasn't expecting much ("A Moment Like This," hello?) but good God, I have serious cavities from all the syrup. The minute Kat opened her mouth, the tooth decay set in.

Both songs sucked but KMcPhee was all but guaranteed a loss with the atrocious "My Destiny." Granted, she didn't quite make lemonade with what she was given but I dare say Taylor would have massacred it as well. He lucked out because "Do I Make You Proud?" was far less heinous... although that's not saying much.

You know, Kat gets dumped on for her vocal imperfections (and rightfully so) but Hicks is far from a flawless singer himself. Can we PLEASE admit that?!?! Yes, he handled Stevie Wonder ably but boyfriend totally yelped his way through "Levon." My ears are still ringing from that mess. I hope Elton John bitch slaps him if and when they ever meet up.

In other finale news, last year's winner, Carrie Underwood and Season Two runner-up Clay Aiken are scheduled to perform tonight. Carrie and Clay. Lawdy, could FOX find two more people with any less sex appeal to put on the same bill? I really have to question the people whose naughty bits feel all a-tingle when either of these two take the stage. I can only assume that straight girls who have it bad for Clay no doubt were truly, madly, deeply in love with that guy in high school who rebuffed their advances, knew all the words to the "Fame" soundtrack and often joined them in feigning illness to get out of gym class. Admit it. It's true.

Photo: The National Ledger